No matter where you look, whether it be online, via e-mail or even on TV adverts, the advice is to keep in contact, message your loved ones, keep in touch and check in on those closest to you etc. In the beginning, I completely agreed with this, as combating loneliness is one of the hardest things to do and just by sending out a quick message or phoning someone is a great thing to do.
What if I have this innate reaction to completely ignore and not reply to people’s messages?
Sometimes self-care is not replying. Everyone being at home means that messaging has become so easy that really, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t reply to someone’s message. Then again, what if it gets too much? I used to have this excessive need to constantly reply to everyone’s message so that everyone I met/spoke to would love messaging me and think I was a great texter (we’re in 2020 and I’m getting a squiggly line for texter? really?! IT’S A WORD!). This meant that I constantly felt responsible whenever someone replied to me, left me on read or ghosted.
At first, I started doing the same to others as some sort of revenge so that these people could get a taste of their own medicine. Strangely enough, it ended up teaching me something…not everyone takes it as seriously as me. They won’t stop messaging if you leave them on read and that if something comes up, they will message again. THIS. IS. NEW. Those who truly care about you, don’t take it to heart and just ‘get the message’ (see what I did there?)
Slowly, slowly it got easier for me to realise not everyone is the same and sometimes the ones you have great convos with over text, are DEAD in person – You completely run out of conversation topics. Nevertheless, this also happens all the time over whatsapp/messenger/DM (have I missed any?) especially during quarantine. You’re struggling to talk about anything else other than quarantine, work, furlough (if you’re lucky), hobbies that you’ve taken up since the lockdown and ‘how’s the family?’. It’s no one’s fault that we’re in this situation (if you don’t believe the conspiracy theories) but sometimes I just don’t want to reply…
I struggle between not seeing the point of people reaching out and messaging me and wanting to message others to check up on them.
In my case, I ignore messages a lot because I prefer face to face conversations and sometimes I’m just not in the mood. Struggling with anxiety and low moods means that you’re constantly in these two mindsets: feeling guilty for not replying given that they took the time out to message you but also being realistic enough to know they were also the type of people who left you on read in the past and that you’ll be carrying most of the conversation after ‘Hey’. Texting/messaging gets boring for me after a while because it’s not always a constant conversation and then when they do eventually reply, it’s usually quite a dull response anyway.
Reply when you feel like it – some people are great texters, some people aren’t. The Quarantine Life should teach us to be more accepting of people’s behaviours and more mindful of what people are going through on a day-to-day basis. You are allowed to reach out but you are also ‘allowed’ not to. Remove the guilt and keep going.
The Anxious Portuguesa 