Have yourself a Bae-rista? Throw it away – Throw the whole thing away! (like that disposable cup)

Please note: I hope everyone out there does NOT use disposable cups and brings their travel mugs with them so that they can not only save 20-25p on their coffee but also SAVE THE PLANET!!

I agree that there are so many articles out there on this subject. Want to know how I know this? Because I’ve most probably read all of them. Ranging from what to do when you want to become ‘friends’ with your barista to ‘how do I stop acting really strange when I ask for my regular coffee’ to ‘I now go in twice a day…is there something wrong with me?’.

I understand that nowadays baristas are just generally us with an apron. They’re most probably students, graduates, working in general and ranging from all nationalities but I never really saw myself look twice at who was serving me before. Even writing this now, I’m not sure how many of you will be able to relate but the soul-crushing realisation that the person making your coffee is FINE means you need to FIND yourself another coffee shop. Why wait until the end of the post to give advice? Let’s just start now!

As always, we need to give a little background info on what has happened to me personally etc. etc. and what our experiences have taught us blah blah blah to then be able to relay our findings through our blogs. Nevertheless, that is exactly what I am going to do *cue old silent movie film camera noise* FLASHBACK TIME!

Around this time last year, I had moved most of my final year exams forward (due to Uni Admin Issues) and was probably the only one in Summer revising or needing to find a spot to revise. Of course, I decided to find a place where the wi-fi was always reliable, clean, a good amount of quietness to chatter and that place happened to be my local Costa…You just can’t pass on revision and a place that provides constant caffeine. It’s a Win-Win really – Wrong.

I remember the first time I went I was so nervous, not knowing if I should ask beforehand if I was allowed to study there for approx. 4 hours (regularly buying food, coffee etc.), just sit down and not care, greet or not greet – this was a lot of unnecessary mental preparation. I walked in, ordered my iced flat white and went and sat down. Getting my books out, breathing in the atmosphere – I was ready to exceed in my revision/notes.

Yeah…life had other plans. Guess who decides to walk in from the back room? The FINEST man. Broad shoulders, shirt tight and filled out, hair looking crisp and a neck tattoo – my.man.looked.fresh. Clean. Did I mention fine?

How the hell was I supposed to revise now? Of course, what was even more awkward was that I was kind of the only one in the coffee shop at the time (other than an old man and a mum and her son at the front).

Staring. I hate staring. Me and staring just do not work together. I start thinking and looking at myself like what is wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? Is there a coffee shop etiquette that I’m missing? (no lie I went home and searched up articles of coffee shop etiquette – it’s a thing).

I thought maybe it was because I wasn’t greeting them properly when I arrived or left? Found out I would sometimes get ignored or if I forgot one day, the next day they would and if they did vice versa. It was this huge mental game that I was not prepared for. Should I tip? It’s Costa, who the hell tips at a chain coffee shop when it’s already expensive?!? I’ll tip. Next time Costa, I’ll be ready for you.

The following week I came and I look up to see there. were. two. of. them. Ok, not literally (they weren’t twins) but related definitely. This older one had a beard with a man bun, even more, filled out and broad with the same neck tattoo. Did I miss something? Why did no one tell me these people existed? I was missing out whilst I was at Uni! I had two Instagram models in front of me serving me – how TF was I supposed to revise now?

• I brought headphones
• I would order two coffees (one every two hours)
• I would greet
• I would smile
• I would tip
• I would make sure I would get a small table in the corner

There must’ve been a part of me that thought maybe, just maybe, I would become a regular, have a ‘usual’, know their names, become friends, chill with people my age which I felt I kind of failed at that whilst at Uni.

All these thoughts would swirl around in my head, constantly overthinking if I looked good enough, if I smiled enough if I said BYE! loud enough…oops too loud – it was exhausting.

Long story short, it never amounted to anything. I went to that place for about a year, trying to get myself accustomed to feeling uncomfortable and really all I’ve done is gone back to the beginning. No small talk, no greeting and just acting like ‘my husband’, the young one that I was technically married to doesn’t exist. (I say technically because he technically didn’t know about it – preliminaries my friends, preliminaries)

Honestly, all jokes aside, as much fun as it may seem in the beginning, it’s really not worth it. You spend loads of money on coffee, your cheeks are sore from smiling and then one day you’ll come in at a different time and see your ‘ex-husband’ leaving with the co-worker and leaning in for a kiss (once again another story for another time).

Side note: In the comments, I’ll put the links of all the articles I read at the time. Trust me, it won’t help but it is good entertainment while you cry yourself to sleep